


Meliorism

by kalpa



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Angst, Apocalypse, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Reader-Insert, Romance, Slow Burn, Smut, Torture, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-07-23 13:01:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16159478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalpa/pseuds/kalpa
Summary: On Outbreak Day, your hometown goes up in flames and your home soon follows. Only you and your brother emerge from the ashes to face this new, cruel world.What lengths will you go to in order to ensure survival? And how long can your humanity remain in the wake of unchecked violence and danger?•••Meliorism: the belief that the world gets better.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> well howdy. ya'll ready for ANOTHER reader insert?  
> im a slut for reader inserts, what can i say?  
> i bring to you a huge project i've begun to work on as of recently. this was originally intended to be a 10k word oneshot but alas - here we are.  
> as of right now, it's nearing 50 pages and around 30,000 words. i got some cool plans for this fic and i hope you guys enjoy it : )  
> it will be intense and hard to read at times. there's torture, violence, implied sexual assault and other upsetting themes. all chapters will be tagged with trigger warnings so make sure to read notes beforehand!  
> that being said, this fic will be updated once a month! I'm planning on the first of every month around 9 pm Eastern time!  
> THANKS SO MUCH YALL! LOVE YOU! <3
> 
> Trigger Warnings:  
> Violence  
> Implied sexual assault 
> 
> enjoy~!
> 
> i dedicate this story to my late dog, teddy. we had to put him to sleep today. thank you for the amazing years together, buddy. we love you so much. <3

You remembered when your younger brother was born. You were nine and at home with your parents when your mom stood to go to the bathroom. When she did, water dripped from her onto the floor as she gasped. Your father immediately jumped up and told you to get ready - the baby was coming.

How the hell did a ten year old get ready for that? 

You’d just grabbed a coat and jumped into the car, comforting your deeply breathing mother as your dad drove off to the hospital. You held her hand as she squeezed, sweet dripping down her face. She’d smile at you, love so clear in her gaze. “You’re going to be such a great sister,” she whispered. Her lips had pressed a kiss to your hand. “I know it.”

He’d been born and he was beautiful. His name was Cole and you loved him. You immediately learned how to hold him and soon, you were able to bottle feed him. You helped him crawl, helped him walk and soon, you helped him grow up.

Cole was your little brother - mischievous and a smart ass but so kind. He was so  _ good.  _ He avoided the dumb stereotypes in school and did his work. He never bullied and stood up for the kids who were. And no one dared mess with him.

They knew you were his big sister. And they knew you’d fuck them up in a heartbeat.

This never changed. This didn’t fade as you grew older. He struck ten and you were twenty, but you made sure to go to every school event to ensure things were going well. If any kids forgot of the consequences that came with being jackasses, they were reminded with one cold, pointed stare.

You and Cole were close. You two watched silly youtube videos together and even made some dumb ones together. The two of you watched Buffy together on repeat, and when he got in trouble or fell in love with another boy, you were there for him. Your parents didn’t mind you lived with them until you were twenty three. You were thankful for this as you weren’t ready to leave Cole and he sure as hell wasn’t ready to leave you.

You only move out to get to a job thirty minutes away. When you finally got everything in your car, Cole had stood there in the driveway of your large farmhouse with such a lost expression on his face. At that point, you’d been bottling how much you’d miss him and the comfort of knowing he was only a few minutes away at most. You’d have to leave your best friend for a while to work, and on the driveway, you hugged him and he sobbed into your shoulder.

_ “Who will laugh over Nyan Cat with me?” he sobbed. _

_ “Caleb will,” you soothed, running your hands through his hair. Caleb was his boyfriend. _

_ “He’s not in the room next door.” _

_ “I’m only a tap away, Coles.”  _

Eventually, you pulled out of the driveway and left your family. Cole didn’t stop waving until you’d turned the corner, which was a ways away with the long and winding country road. Once you were ten minutes away, you stopped on the old, dirt Louisiana road and cried into your hands. Thank Christ you didn’t have neighbors for miles to see your stained mascara and puffy eyes. 

The two of you always texted. There was never a day where you didn’t, but it wasn’t the same. He was your younger brother. He was the other part of you. And you missed him sorely.

But once you stopped working six days a week and twelve hours a day for a meager wage, then you could visit him. You told yourself a few weeks, then a few months. 

Then the outbreak happened. 

You’d been on the way home from work when a car swerved in front of you, nearly t-boning you. You screeched to a stop with a hiss, watching the car hit the highway railings. The top of it crumpled and you gasped, stopping and parking your car to check. 

It was only when you opened your door did you see the driver drop to the ground and look at you with dead, ugly eyes. There was a snarl on their teeth as they scratched at the ground to get you. With a curse you slammed your door shut and changed the gear, spinning off into the night. 

Your first thought was not to get to your apartment - but to get  _ home.  _ As you rushed down the roads you found more and more destruction. Cars were on fire, bodies littered the street and those…. _ things  _ screamed and groaned and ran into your car. Blood coated the glass and paint and bile stuck to your throat. 

You weren’t afraid for yourself - you were afraid for Cole, for mom and dad and your pets. So when you turned the corner on your road to see your house on fire, that bile finally rose. You squealed to a stop and opened the door, dropping on the road to puke. Tears were finally dripping down your face as you cried out. “No,” you weeped. “No, Coley.”

Numb and broken, you simply sat in the empty road as your home and family burned. You were about ready to throw yourself into the flames as well when there was a soft yip. Sniffling you looked over to see a boy walking, holding something shaped like… 

“Max,” you gasped. “Cole!” You had never done track but holy fuck did you run fast. Cole’s face was bloody and traumatized as he choked on a cry, letting you embrace him and hold him. The dog in his arms licked at your face, a smile on his features. 

“Mom?” you asked after a while, the two of you perched on the hood of your car. Cole had managed to grab a backpack and flee before the fire grew, and he was trying to work his old Nokia phone. Thank Christ the thing was fully charged. There were some old pictures of the past on there and his eyes were wet. “Dad?”

With a simple shake of his head, everything changed.

And there was no going back. 

The first time you had to kill someone it was a friend. It was only a day after the outbreak and you’d gone to the closest neighbor’s house.You had an old, childhood friend there named Sam and her family. She was witty and clever and you were certain if anyone could survive, it’d be her.

The two of you walked up to the door, and you’d gone to knock when the door creaked open. You’d frowned before entering - a timid, “Hello?” on your lips. Foolish and naive, you hadn’t noticed the blood on the door frame.

It was quiet. Not even the house was creaking as you walked in. The living room you’d spent hours in with Sam was a bit messy, familiar blankets and pillows on the ground. It looked like someone had gotten up fast. You would haul ass too considering the world was going to shit. 

Another soft, “Hello? Anyone home?” came from you as you moved into the kitchen. The cabinet doors were all open but there was still plenty of food. A few bags were left forgotten on the kitchen table. Frowning, you approached and peeked inside. Only a few bags of snacks were in there. 

But you were naive. You were foolish. And when there was a sound down the hall, you peaked up and felt a smile come on your face. “Samantha? Is that you?” you asked, wondering if that was your friend. You stood up straight and approached the noise confidently. “Why are you hiding? Come out, dude, let’s-”

You opened the door to see Sam’s back. She was hunched over, hands to her face. A low guttural noise was coming from her and you cocked your head, confusion clear. The door creaked and Sam whipped her head back.

Except it wasn’t Sam. Her face was pale and green as something fucking  _ sprouted  _ from her head. Those eyes were unseeing and animalistic as she snarled, body tensing. Your heart thudded in your throat as you stumbled back, tripping over your feet.

Your head hit the ground and black stars flickered in your vision. Everything was ringing in your ears as you blinked past the shadows, opening to see Sam lunging for your throat. With a scream you threw up an arm to block her, catching her in windpipe. She viciously snapped at you, spit and blood from her mouth splattering over your face.

“Sam!” you screamed. “Stop!” 

But it was useless. Sam wasn’t... _ Sam  _ anymore. The realization made you want to puke. It made you want to scream. That fucking infection had gotten her and who knows who else. You blinked past the tears as you pulled your legs up, planting them on her chest and kicking her off. 

She flew back with a wail and you pushed yourself to your feet, almost falling again. You ran down the hallway as she threw herself into the hallway, bouncing off the walls as she barrelled towards you. You sprinted towards the kitchen, remembering the pocket knife you’d put down. 

Grabbing the chairs around the table, you threw them towards Sam. She tumbled over one, buying you enough time to look for the knife. It wasn't there. Fuck, where’d it go?

“(Y/N)?” you heard Cole ask and you looked up to see him in the living room, fingers painted red with blood. His eyes were wide and he was pale as he realized what had happened. You saw his innocence shatter in that single moment. You felt your heart shatter too as you yanked open the drawer you need had silverware.

You remembered opening it to eat ice cream with Sam as you two watched movies. You remembered taking Cole here and having dinner with their family. You remembered so much and every single memory had now been infected by this plague.

You grabbed the kitchen knife. Cole was yelling at you now as Sam climbed over the chairs, throwing herself at you. Within seconds, she would be upon you. Where would she bite first? Your throat? Your arm? Your face?

_ I’m sorry,  _ you thought as you pivoted. You threw a hand out and felt it connect with her chest. Before she could clamp down on you, you screamed as you brought knife down upon her head. 

There was a sickening crunch as it connected, and the chest you’d been pressed against dropped. Something wet and warm splattered over your face. The knife fell from your hand as you watched Sam’s body crumple, weapon still lodged in her head. Those eyes were blankly fixed on the ceiling, the weird malformations obstructing her beauty. 

You stumbled back, heart loud and breaths strained. The world around you began to flicker as you turned, numbly turning and facing the sink. You reached over and turned it on, hopeful the small reserve the land had was still functional. Cold water rushed over your hands as you scrubbed at them, eventually splashing water on your face. 

Then you puked. 

Cole didn’t say anything. You heard him moving but you couldn’t look up from the countertops. You couldn’t move as so many thoughts and emotions rushed over you, essentially numbing you from overstimulation. The last thing you expected was for Cole to place a hand on your lower back, offering a water bottle.

Nothing was said. Everything was exchanged.

After a few minutes, you knew you needed to leave. You couldn’t face Sam, and based on the silence, the others hadn’t made it. You swallowed the lump in your throat. “Get those bags. Get food and supplies and let’s leave.”

Cole didn’t argue. He picked up one duffle bag and you picked up another. Together, you ransacked the pantry, and bathrooms. You didn’t dare go into the bedrooms. You didn’t dare face the horror that awaited.

That night, you drove until you came across the old treehouse your dad had built for you and Cole. It wasn’t too far from your house, but it was secluded enough you wouldn’t be reminded of the ashes.

You curled up in the old blankets that smelled like home, and, holding Cole, you cried. He cried too. And together, you grieved.

 

For the next weeks, you and Cole keep to the outskirts of your town. You didn’t dare head into the city towards your apartment. Besides, there wasn’t anything too important there. You’d kept your heart locked and kept in your home. When that had burned down…

Well, Cole was here. He was alive and you would protect him no matter what. 

Thankfully, most of the infected had moved in towards Monroe. If there were infected in a house, it wasn’t too difficult to... _ end  _ them. You still struggled thrusting that knife into those familiar faces. These were the people you’d seen on the roads ever since you were a kid. The last thing you’d anticipated was killing them twenty years later. 

You felt relatively safe in the area. Growing up there, you knew the lay of the land. You knew where various landmarks were, what houses belonged to who, where rivers and roads were… Cole had brought up shacking up in one of the farmhouses and building a fence to keep the infected out. You had seriously contemplated it until one day when you were out, you were jumped.

After all the blood and flames and death, you thought you weren’t so naive or innocent anymore. You thought you knew how to take care of both you and Cole. But you were wrong. Oh, you were so wrong.

One day when driving home, you saw a figure in the middle of the road. It was laying face down and you sighed, wondering if it was an infected. But as it looked up and made eye contact with you, you realized those eyes weren’t distant. They weren’t glassy. They were alive and human.

Hope blossomed in your chest and you drove forward, parking it and jumping out as you ran to the person. There were soft groans coming from them as you kneeled down, Cole hovering behind. You reached down and lay a hand upon their shoulder. “Are you alright?” you asked. They continued groaning before abruptly stopping. 

That was when you heard footsteps behind you and felt a gun press against your head.

“Don’t fucking move.”

They’d tied you up with rope and thrown you into the trunk of their trucks, which had been masterfully hidden in the forests on the sides of the road. It had been hot and humid as Cole cried, scared and worried. You hushed him, assuring him he’d be okay.

You were scared too.

Their camp wasn’t too large - maybe a bit over a dozen people. Three of them were middle aged woman and the others were burly, hillbilly men. They were well armed and made a show of eating all the food you’d collected over the weeks. You and Cole were tied to a tree, forced to watch them as they laughed, drank and taunted.

You hated them. You wanted to cry. But instead you just squeezed Cole’s hand around the trunk.

“We’ll be okay,” you whispered. “We’ll be alright.”

In all honesty, you didn’t know what the fuck to do. You didn’t know how to get out of here, what these people wanted…. You didn’t know shit. That scared you more than anything.

But when one of the older woman approached the tree, running her fingers along Cole’s face with sickening words you knew one thing; you wouldn't let her hurt him. You strained against the ropes and spit at her, cursing and threatening her. She simply smirked and unsheathed her knife.

“What pretty words you speak. Maybe we’ll cut out that tongue,” she whispered in your ear. The men nearby approached and forced open your mouth despite you screaming, letting her run the blade along your tongue. You tasted blood from where she cut but she did not remove the appendage 

“Consider it a mercy,” she said. 

She ripped off your fingernails one by one. Blood coated your skin and the inside of your throat from your screaming. She licked the tears off of your face, whispering what she’d do to your brother.

Cole was sobbing. He was begging for her to stop but she threatened to take his nails off too. You passed out after the seventh nail.

When you woke up, Cole was gone. Your heart was in your throat as you looked around, almost opening your mouth to call for him. But when you felt the burning, aching pain in your fingers you remembered what had happened.

That woman… She’d taken him. She planned on taking advantage of him. A quick glance around the camp revealed that only two of the men were on watch. One was a boy around your age, walking around the campfire with a rifle in hand. A toothpick was in his mouth as he chewed on it, eyes resting on you.

You knew what you had to do.

So with a low whistle, you nodded the boy ever. He arched a brow as an ugly grin curled his face, steadily approaching you. As he came closer out of the camp light, you perked up in an attempt to appeal to him. Based on the way his eyes traveled over his breasts you bet it worked.

“Howdy,” you cooed and he nodded, stopping a few feet from you. You tilted your head with a coy smile. “You look awfully lonely,” you hummed and he arched a brow. “Such a shame a cute boy like yourself is so  _ single.”  _

He caught your drift and he chuckled, taking a few steps closer towards you. “Yeah? You gon’ do something about that?” he asked and you chuckled.

“Maybe I will,” you said. “I’ve been told I never shut my mouth.”

Men were foolish. They thought with their dicks and nothing more. But sometimes it worked in your favor. Sometimes their idiocy saved your life, and when the boy undid your restraints and went for a kiss, you tangled your bloody fingers in his hair.

You took that toothpick from his mouth, savoring the way he chuckles as his hands came up to your breasts. The second he touched you, you yanked your head back and down to stab the toothpick in his eyes. He didn’t get to scream when your hands snapped his neck.

There was no grief in your chest - not after everything you’d witnessed. Not after having your fingernails ripped off one by fucking one as he watched and laughed with his buddies. Not after they jumped you, not after they restrained you, not after they ate all your food and not after they took Cole from you.

There was no sympathy for them. 

There was no sympathy when you crept towards the tent you heard that sickening sweet Southern voice of that woman. You could hear Cole begging for her to reconsider, saying he’d work and help if she didn’t touch him. There was a harsh slapping noise and you heard her hiss, “Shut your mouth. Now put it to use.”

There was crying from him. There was only white, hot rage from you.

The knife you’d taken was warm in your palm as you pushed aside the tent’s flaps to reveal her over Cole. Her hands were on his bare chest and he was sniffling. She went to reach for his pants.

You grabbed her and placed the blade on her throat. “No mercy for you,” you whispered in her ear. You dragged the blade along her throat and she dropped.

Cole was hysterical as you dropped to your knees, holding him tight. He told you about all the things she said she’d do. You simply just held him for the minutes that passed, not caring about anything else. Your heart was in your throat as you listened to him.

It set in then.

That’s when you realized this world was cruel. It was harsh and unforgiving. People would kill people for anything. People would hurt people for any reason. You made a promise then to protect Cole.

And you planned to keep it.

Cole didn’t speak about how you went through the camp and slit every person’s throat. He didn’t speak about all the food you recovered, the antibiotics you stole or the weapons you took. He understood.

You both understood. 

Two months after the outbreak, you were still in your little neighborhood. You’d found an old elementary school that had a greenhouse and, after clearing out the school itself, decided to bunker up. Cole handled the greenhouse while you handled security. Considering it was the country, there were plenty of trees to chop down with the fire axe inside.

Cole had gotten taller but skinnier. While you had your greenhouse, growing food takes time. And as you hunted more and more the woods, the population of deers and bunnies grew smaller. You began to have to trek out further and further when scavenging or hunting.

You didn’t like leaving Cole behind, but thankfully your dog Max kept him company. That dog was the sweetest boy ever, but he was unrelenting and furiously protective of you two. It didn’t take him long to learn when not to bark near infected and how to disable them for a kill. 

Thank Christ he was an Australian Shepherd and already great at nipping heels. A swift bite to the leg oftentimes disoriented an infected or Raider for long enough to be shivved. Plus, he was good at getting squirrels for dinner.

So leaving Cole this time wasn’t any different. You got onto the horse you’d found on the Smiths’ farm and waved to Cole. He waved too with that soft smile, kneeling down in the garden. “Be safe!” he called and you nodded. 

“Always am,” you hummed and he rolled his eyes, reaching up to pet Max. The dog licked his hand and you heard a soft chuckle come from your brother. You knew he was scared by the world too. You knew he was traumatized and had nightmares regularly. But together, the two of you could do anything.

So you left Cole to venture in towards the city. You two needed some antibiotics, you needed some feminine hygiene stuff and clothing. It was nearing winter and you both needed to prepare. Non Perishables were also at the top of the list and dog food. Plenty of people had farm dogs so finding dog food wasn't’ difficult - or even cat food. Max wasn’t picky. Ass would eat anything. 

You had a strip mall in mind to search. You remembered there being a Pet Supplies Plus and a boutique or two. If memory was right, there was also a small grocery and a gas station. Hopefully there would be some antibiotics and food left. You also hoped the boutique followed those odd retail customs where they ordered clothings a season ahead. A nice parka would be appreciated.

It would probably be a day to get there and another one to get back. You packed some snacks and made sure to bring plenty of ammo and a machete. Nothing was more dangerous than going out unprepared. 

Thankfully, the country was calm as you made your way in. You hadn’t gone to the strip mall before and had stayed to the outskirts ever since the outbreak, but you had to get supplies. You had no doubt the strip mall would at least have something. 

Or, well, you  _ hoped. _

That night, you holed up in a farmhouse. You and Cole frequently used it as a pitstop, setting up traps and whatnot. Thankfully no traps had been sprung and there were no infected. You slept as well as you could with the apocalypse going on.

The strip mall was only an hour or so away from the barn. You made sure to tie up your horse in a secure location before slowly sneaking up on the location. You kept low and quiet, gun drawn and ready. Who knew who or what would be there?

The last thing you expected was a flaming car and over a dozen infected pounding a shop window. The sound could be heard easily a mile away, alerting you of the presence. You crawled behind some bushes and pulled out your binoculars to see the chaos. 

The car was a flaming heap of metal and even an infected body, flames high and fresh. It had to be new, and based on the infected banging at a shop window, someone was here.

Raiders? Or...survivors? Usually raiders were better equipped and traveled in groups. A large group would easily be able to get rid of all the infected. A small band of survivors seemed to fit the glove. 

Maybe they were friendly. You tried to brush off the pull and hope that you could meet some new people. While you loved your home with Cole, it was lonely and empty with just two people and a dog. Plus, more members meant more safety.

You told yourself you lost your innocence and hope long ago. But you knew it remained.

So you crept towards the back of the strip mall, sticking to the bushes and shadows to not be spotted. Your family had come here a few times so you knew the lay of the land somewhat decently. And you knew there were doors to the back. 

When you approached you heard frantic yelling and cursing through the door. They didn’t sound like raiders but you didn’t take any chances as you opened the door, making sure to hold your gun high as you entered. You remained crouching as you moved forward.

The store was in disarray. It was the Pet Supplies shop and products were all over the floor. Some shelves were on the ground too, making it a bit difficult to walk over. But as you got deeper and deeper into the store, the voices got louder.

It was two men and their voices were gruff and low. One sounded panicked, however, and the other sounded in pain. Had they been hurt? You chewed on your lip as you got closer to their voices, positioning yourself against a shelf and peeking over.

Yep - it was two men. And yep - one was hurt. 

The hurt one was collapsed in a corner, head lolled back with his eyes shut. He didn’t look too old and neither did the man beside him. If anything, they looked related. A closer look revealed his hands were clasped over his stomach, but nothing was sticking out. A stab wound maybe? A gunshot? You weren’t sure.

“Joel I told you it was a bad idea to come here,” the brother said as he rustled through his bag. “I fucking told you.”

“We needed the supplies,” the injured man, Joel, said. He sounded out of breath and you could see sweat drip down his face. Based on the amount of blood on his hands, pants and ground, he was surely suffering from blood loss. 

“There were fucking Hunters,” the brother hissed as he threw his bag to the side. He looked up now and he saw you. His eyes widened as he reached to his side, whipping out a gun. You dropped back down but it was too late. “Who the hell is there?” he asked and you sighed.

Well, no way you could get out of this now.

You raised your hands as you stood, facing them now. There was a sheepish expression on your face as the brother aimed his gun at you, never looking away. Joel even opened his eyes a bit to look your way. He looked like shit. “I’m not here to hurt you,” you said. “I saw the commotion and heard you.” 

“So what? You here to finish the job?” the brother spat and you shook your head.

“No. I… I think I can help,” you said. The brother snorted.

“How do we know we can trust you?” he hissed. 

“Because you got no shot on your own.” It was brutal and it was the truth. With all the infected outside, there’d be no way they could get out. At least, not both of them. Joel would either bleed out or be dinner. “I have a set up not too far away. If we move now, we can be back before midnight. We have some meds that could help.” 

The gun wavered. You could see him weighing on whether or not to trust you. Joel closed his eyes. “Let me die,” he huffed lowly. That made the brother snap his eyes away from you, a clear look of horror and rage on his expression. “Just let me fuckin die, Tommy.”

“Don’t say that,” Tommy hissed. His face paled. “Don’t be like that.”

Joel didn’t reply. It was obvious he was struggling to stay awake. You swallowed roughly.

Tommy thought over it for a moment, the only sound being the infected growling and hitting the glass. They were getting louder. Finally he nodded. “Let’s go,” he said.

Joel made a sound of protest but Tommy gave a few stern words. You told them to pack shit up and get ready as you quickly ran up and down the aisles, grabbing objects of interest. You’d take the vitamins and painkillers. You also raided the small pharmacy, finding some old prescriptions. If there were ‘Hunters’ here there was no doubt more were in the area.

You were lucky to get here unharmed and to even find this much medicine. It wasn’t a lot but...it was enough. After a few minutes you returned to Tommy and Joel, helping him lift his brother up. He was large and heavy as the two of you hauled him out of the shop, his groans and curses hot in your ear.

But you didn’t dare speak. Tommy was busy enough reprimanding his brother for being an idiot. They reminded you of how you were with Cole. 

Slowly but steadily, you got them to the forest behind the store but far enough from the mall. Hopefully, no infected would get through the back door and stray this way. You were sure Tommy could hold them off well enough too. 

You assured them you’d be back with your horse, and it only took roughly 20 minutes to find her and get back. Traveling with 3 people would be rough but you it had to be done. Besides, after two months of eating shit you didn’t weigh too much. 

You sat at the reigns with Joel directly behind you. Tommy was behind him, his mutters now quiet and sparse. You could feel Joel’s slow, warm breath on you as you galloped through the country, trying to go as fast as you could. Thankfully your horse was well trained and fast, but that still didn’t make you worry any less when Joel’s head lolled against your back. You could feel his sweat go through your shirt.

Oh, and his blood. But that wasn’t nearly as nice. 

To say that Cole was shocked when you came home with a bloody man and his angry brother was an understatement. Max went apeshit at first, actually biting Tommy’s ankle when he got of the horse. With a quick command, the dog backed off and returned to Cole’s side.

“What happened?” Cole asked with worry, approaching you as Tommy and you helped Joel off. The man fell back into his brother, face extremely pale. His shirt was drenched and red. You felt your stomach twist at the sight.

“He was stabbed,” Tommy said and you bit your lip, turning to your little brother.

“Do you think we can help?” you asked and Tommy chewed his nails.

“There’s some anatomy and survival books in the library. Get him to the kitchen and I’ll meet you there,” he said. You were suddenly proud of his obsession with books as he ran off, Max following. With a huff you turned and threw Joel’s arm around your shoulder.

Tommy and you helped drag him into the kitchen, holding him up as you shoved off all the random shit on the table. You two set him down and you pulled off his shirt. 

Tommy cursed at the sight. You did too. 

The stab was deep and jagged. There was no doubt there’d need be stitches. You remembered the sewing needle a teacher kept in her desk and ran off, grabbing it and some string. There was alcohol in the kitchen for disinfecting.

Cole was in the teacher’s lounge (your makeshift kitchen) by the time you got back. He’d tied his hair back, taking a shot of vodka. His face puckered and you frowned down at him. “Why the hell are you drinking?” you asked as you set the supplies down.

He gave you a look. “I’m fourteen and about to perform surgery. I think I warrant a drink.” It was wrong to smile with a man bleeding out below you but you did it anyway. You took the small glass and poured the alcohol into a cloth, ignoring Cole’s disappointment. 

“Give him some pain killers,” you told Cole. “There might be some strong stuff in my bag.” 

“And we’re giving it to a stranger?” Cole asked as he did what you said. Tommy shot him a glare and your brother shrugged. “I don’t know you guys.”

“We’ll help them,” you sternly said and Cole pursed his lips.

The last time you tried to help someone he was assaulted. But these guys were different. You could tell.

Cole relented. He found the doggy equivalent of some vicodin and knocked Joel out. He slept through you disinfecting the wound and cleaning up the blood near it. Cole washed his hands in some of the vodka too, cringing at the smell. You laughed at that. Tommy didn’t. His eyes were focused on his brother, foot tapping nervously.

You knew Cole needed space to work and think. With the man hovering over him, the surgery would surely go worse than if he were gone. So you gently pulled on his arm, nodding to the hallway. “He needs space,” you softly said. Tommy hesitated for a moment, worried eyes on his brother’s sleeping face before nodding. Both of you walked out. You gave your own brother a reassuring squeeze.

Outside, Tommy began to pace. He ran his hands through his hair before biting on his nails. He didn’t voice his worries but you could almost read them off the way his eyes moved. They flickered from every tile on the wall, from every scratch on the floor, from every scar on your arms as you approached him.

“Joel will be alright,” you said. Tommy clenched his jaw, dropping his hand from his face.

“I told him,” he began firmly. “That we shouldn’t track those Hunters. But he said they’d take us to good loot. He said they needed…” A deep breath. “To be killed. And I listened because I didn’t wanna argue. I was tired of arguin’. So I let him go to that damned strip mall. I let him drive right into that trap and let him have the damn car molotov’d. I let him blow their brains out and I let him be stabbed. I let this happen.”

So that was how it happened… That explained why the car was on fire. You hadn’t seen any bodies, though. You were probably too focused on the undead. Sighing, you leaned against the wall beside him. He didn’t look your way. “If you’d known he was going to be hurt, you wouldn’t have let him do anything,” you said. Tommy’s lips thinned and you could tell he was going to argue. But you raised a hand. “You didn’t let him bleed out. You didn’t let that Hunter use the knife on his throat. You didn’t let him stay die. It’s easy to blame ourselves but it’s not our fault. It’s the whole damn world’s fault.” 

Tommy didn’t speak for a few minutes, but you saw his lip begin to tremble. You saw his chest heave as tears dripped down his face. You saw him slide down the wall and hang his head in his hands. You slid down beside him and you sat there as he cried.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get to know Joel, and the new world. Which one is more dangerous?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEW - here we are again! I'm proud to present this chapter! I've been working super hard on this fic and LOVE writing it. it is definitely a love project.  
> that being said - i hope you enjoy the story! we don't know too much about joel and tommy before the events of TLOU with Ellie, so I tried to interpret it to the best of my abilities. again - this fic starts on outbreak night. so right now, it's only a bit after the outbreak started and the world went to hell.  
> there's some violence mentioned in this chapter, but nothing too whack.  
> that being said, enjoy!
> 
> EDIT: SORRY I FORGO TO UPLOAD HAHAHHA HERE IT IS ILY GUYS

It took an hour and a half for Cole to stitch Joel up, and when you came in you were impressed with how clean it was. Your brother was sweaty and tired, giving a few instructions to Tommy who immediately pulled up a chair beside his brother. “Make sure he has water. If he starts to be in pain, give him one of the dog Vicodin,” he instructed and the man nodded, not saying anything.

You and Cole went out into the hallway towards his room. The bags under his eyes were dark and heavy, but you still made him stop to wash his hands and brush his teeth. After everything today, he didn’t even complain. 

“You saved that man’s life,” you said as he washed his hands. Cole glanced over at your, lips thinning. 

“I hope it was the right thing to do,” he grumbled. You shrugged.

“Even if they are Raiders, they can’t do shit now.” 

Cole smirked. “And I know where to strike.”

You ruffled his hair was a chuckle, bringing him to his room. Max was curled up on his bed, fast asleep. The dog rolled onto his back to give Cole some room to crawl into. The kid let out a huff and you knew it’d only be moments before he was asleep.

“I’m proud of you,” you said softly. 

Cole smiled under the moonlight. “Thanks.” 

When you turned around to leave, a loud snore came from him. You stifled a laugh. 

 

Joel didn’t wake up until afternoon the next day. You’d almost begun to fear that he’d died, but when you were heating up some soup in a wood burning furnace you heard a groan come from him. You’d spun around with a gasp and wide eyes to see him moving his head, eyelids fluttering.

Tommy had gone outside with Cole to take a bath in a nearby stream after a long argument about how god awful he smelled. The man had dismissed it, saying it came with “travelling” and “killing Runners”. Cole had to bribe him with some soap and shampoo to get him out. Guess they weren’t able to get clean often on the road.

So when Joel saw you instead of his brother, it was an understatement to say he was surprised. The man sat up quickly, reaching for his side. The gun he’d kept there was gone, however, resulting in him looking alarmed. A curse came from him as he jumped off the table, nearly buckling over from the pain.

You hissed, rushing to his side. He went to hit you when you reached for him but you glared down at him. “Chill the fuck out,” you bit out. “I’m the girl from the strip mall, remember? You’re at my place. Tommy’s outside,” you said with a sigh. Joel calmed down at that, groaning as he fell onto his ass. You smirked as you leaned down, prying his hand away from his wound. Blood was seeping through. You shot him another glare. “Really? You pulled your fucking stitches.”

“Well I’m sorry I thought I was in a hunter camp,” he spat and you rolled your eyes. 

“Does this look like a hunter camp?” you asked before throwing his arm over your shoulder. He grunted as you lifted him to his feet, guiding him back to the table.

“Well, the sight of you didn’t do much to help,” he huffed and you dropped him, letting him stumble into the table corner. You smirked when he tossed you a dirty look.

“Lay down,” you commanded and he didn’t argue. Groaning from pain, he laid back onto the wood and let you lift up his shirt. Yep, he’d pulled the stitches. What a dumbass. “Nice job pulling your stitches,” you told him and he grunted.

“Fuck off,” he sighed. You arched a brow as you poured some nearby disinfectant onto a cloth. 

“Yeah?” you asked. He went to open his mouth to reply but you pressed the disinfectant onto his wound, making him hiss. You distinctly heard him insult you but you were too busy being smug. “What were you doing on the road anyways?” you asked as you wiped off all the blood. Joel tensed at the question. 

“Going through Monroe,” he said. He sounded annoyed.

You snorted at his words. You could feel his gaze on you. “Monroe? That’s bound to be a shitshow. You’re better off going around,” you said. 

“We need to get to the CDC,” he said. 

His stitches had snapped but you didn’t know how to restitch the wound. Cole would be back soon enough, so you pulled up a chair and made sure to keep some gauze pressed down. “Why there?” you asked. 

You could see him debate telling you. His jaw clenched in a weird manner. But you didn’t push. If he wanted to tell you, he’d decide that. After a few moments of silence you shrugged. “Alright, don’t tell me. But this stab needs to be taken care of. Moving around nonetheless  _ travelling  _ will break your stitches again. You need to stay for a few days to make sure infection doesn’t set it and it heals well.” 

Joel didn’t like that. He shook his head, eyes troubled. “No. I won’t stay.”

“Didn’t know our set up was so bad,” you hummed.

Whatever his reason was he didn’t speak on it. Instead, his lips stayed thin and shut. Oh well. If he wanted to be a hard ass, that was his decision. You wouldn't lie, though. You were interested in why they were going to the CDC. Hadn’t all government buildings fallen? You two didn’t have access to TVs or anything, but the police and national guard had been fucking decimated within the city. You hadn’t heard or seen anything in weeks.

It didn’t take long for Cole and Tommy to get back. At the sight of his brother awake, Tommy stormed to his side and launched into another lecture about being safe. Cole lectured him for breaking his stitches. And well, your lecture had already come. So you watched Cole work and Tommy yell as you sipped some whiskey.

The CDC, eh?

Interesting…

Tommy agreed to stay for a few more days to help Joel rest. His brother was irritated and protested, but once he was shown a mattress he passed out. Tommy explained they’d been travelling non stop for a few weeks. 

“We came from Austin,” he said that night, both of you on the roof of the school. You two had a beer and a gun in case infected get close, camped out on some folding chairs Cole had insisted on bringing. “We lived there all our lives. That night I got into some dumbass argument over a contractor with Joel. I thought everything was going wrong then.” He gave a bitter chuckle as he shook his head, taking a swig of the beer. “Man, was I in for a surprise.”

You took a swig too, agreeing. “Yeah I just got out of work when I saw some dude run at me with weird shit all over his face. The first thing I did was run home to find it burnt to a crisp,” you sighed. The memories made your heart hurt. You wish you got to say goodbye to your mom and dad. Cole never did open up about what lead to the fire. When you did ask, he got this faraway look. 

He’d open up in time. Gardening and Max was good for his soul. 

Tommy gave you a long look, clearly thinking. You made eye contact with him, arching an eyebrow his way. “Thank you,” he said. “Thank you for saving Joel. I-I don’t know what I’d do without him,” he sighed. You offered a small smile his way. 

“It was the right thing to do,” you said. “I know if Cole got hurt I’d want someone to help us.”

“Not a lot of people do the right thing anymore,” Tommy mused.

You thought back to the raider camp. 

“I know.”

 

Tommy went to bed not too much later, leaving you to watch over the premises. You didn’t mind. Cole really needed to rest and your mind was too active over everything had recently happened. You didn’t have the balls to ask Tommy about why they were going to CDC. You didn’t wanna run them off because honestly - you needed the company.

You loved your brother but it was nice to talk to other people who didn’t rip off your fingernails. This whole apocalypse business got lonely sometimes.

But why the CDC? You’d have to ask Joel when he was less grumpy…. _ if   _ he was less grumpy. Thankfully you had a few days to get on his good side. Juggling your drink in your hands, you wondered if he was a whiskey guy or a beer guy. There should be some Jack Daniels’ somewhere in your stash…

There was the bang of a door opening and you jolted to attention, raising your rifle down as you heard footsteps. They were approaching the courtyard in front of you, so you adjusted your aim to be pointed where the footsteps would go. Was it a raider-er, hunter? An infected? 

Nope, it was Joel. Fucking Joel. You hissed as you lowered your rifle, silently cursing him out. A shout his way was on your tongue when he raised his head, looking up at the night sky. You could see his face as he raised it, and you saw the tears on his skin.

You paused, heart stuttering at the sight. Something soft came from his lips - something you couldn’t hear or make out. He didn’t see you and it almost felt rude to say something. So you simply watched him as he dropped his head, reaching up and rubbing at it with his hands. In that night light, he looked twice his age. 

He looked weary. He looked exhausted. 

You sat back down in your chair and you took a drink. Whiskey it was…

In the morning, Cole was snacking on some granola bars in the kitchen. Tommy was eating with him, discussing the crops out in the greenhouse and garden. Your brother was visibly happy at the mention of his pride and joy and began to discuss his crops in great detail. Max was even there, smiling as he lay curled in a corner. 

The only one missing was Joel. You’d come in figuring that he’d be here to eat breakfast but clearly you were proven wrong. You crossed your arms with a frown. “Where’s Joel?” you asked and Tommy shrugged.

“Last I checked he was sleeping,” he said and you bit your lip. At the look on your face he tensed. “Why? Is something wrong?” 

You raised your hands peacefully. “No, I just had something for him. I’ll go check his room,” you soothed and Tommy watched you for a few moments. You could feel his gaze picking you apart. But once Cole brought up cabbages Tommy was back into the heated discussion.

Quietly, you approached where Joel had been staying. Unsurprisingly, the room was empty. The sheets were thrown on the floor and it was obvious he’d left in a hurry. You frowned. Where would he go?

You found him at the graveyard not too far away. There were over a dozen crosses in the ground and you remembered building each one. When you’d arrived here at the school, there were bodies of dead children and teachers. Hunters had gotten to them and slaughtered them without mercy.

You approached him silently, coming up to his side. He didn’t spare a look your way. But you could see the pain on his features. You could see the grief, the sorrow, the  _ anger… _

“The world is cruel,” you finally said softly. 

He clenched his jaw. “I know.”

The light reflects off his watch. It’s broken, not ticking or counting time. You don’t know how long you two stand there, but by the time he turned to leave, you’d memorized all the names on the graves. There were thirty three.

 

Tommy spent the day chopping wood as Cole worked on the farm. Joel was either sleeping or sneaking out, neither of which you really cared about. Besides, you needed to talk to Tommy.

They would be leaving in a day and you wanted to know why they were going to the CDC. What purpose did they have there? Why travel from Texas to Georgia? There were surely quarantine zones nearby Austin. It didn’t make sense.

So you walked up to Tommy, who was sitting down and taking a quick break. He arched a brow as you took a spot next to him. “What’s up, cowgirl?” he asked and you rolled your eyes.

“I had to talk to you about something important,” you said and his lips thinned. He took a quick swig of his water before setting it down. He gestured for you to continue, so you cleared your throat. “Joel mentioned you two are going to the CDC. Why?” you asked.

Tommy clenched his jaw, seeming to debate on whether or not to tell you. So you leaned in, pointing to your brother. “See him? He’s fifteen. If there’s something in CDC that makes his life better, I deserve to know. I deserve a shot at giving him a normal life just as much as you,” you said.

For a few minutes, you were just starting at the man. He stared back. You could see his head spinning, his thoughts racing. Finally though he sighed. “We’ve heard rumors that the CDC is working on a cure. We thought it’d our best shot,” he explained. Those words made your heart jump and thoughts race.

A cure? You glanced over at Cole as he worked on the farm, Max sitting beside him with his tongue lolling out. Just a few miles away was your home, left in ashes and disarray. Your family had burned with it. And Cole had been left with a gravesite for his home. 

He deserved a chance at life. He deserved to find a boy he loved and settle down, have some kids. He deserved to have his own farm in peace. 

You looked to Tommy. “I want in.”

 

What you didn’t miss by having it just be you and Cole was fights. When you and Tommy approached Joel about having you and Cole join the crew to CDC, he immediately shot it down. “No,” he said. “Absolutely fucking not.”

Tommy rolled his eyes, taking a step forward. Joel gave him a nasty look as he lowered his voice. “They know the area. They know what they’re doing. Plus, the kid is a good medic. He can help us if we get hurt,” he hissed.

Joel snorted, crossing his arms. “You’re fucking kidding me,’ he huffed.

Tommy crossed his arms too. They looked silly standing off like that. “I am not, Joel. We could use their help. Plus, they have a truck,” he said. Joel bit his lip at that, clearly seeing the point. He had gotten their last car blown up. “They’ve lived this long.”

“The roads are different,” Joel said. There was something dark in his voice. Tommy shuffled, hanging his head.

“Yeah… I know.”

Silence fell now, neither of them knowing what to say. It was obvious that Joel was still against the idea. But you didn’t care. Cole deserved a shot at a good life. 

You stepped forward. “We’re going with you,” you said firmly. Joel moved his gaze to you, Tommy looking over his shoulder. You placed your hands on your hips with a deep breath. “No matter what you say, we’re coming. Besides,” you smirked. “I have the keys.”

 

That’s how you set off in the truck at 6 am with Cole, Tommy, Joel and Max. Monroe was the first stop.

  
  


The last time you’d been to Monroe was the night of the outbreak. You’d just finished a long shift at work and been returning to your apartment. The city you’d left had been busy and a bit downtrodden but...it was nothing like what you saw when driving through.

Cars littered the streets, piling up in the highways. You two had to slow in order to swerve between them. Cole watched with fascinated sadness at the utter fucking destruction. It looked as though a damn nuke had hit the city and wiped everything out.

Some highways were crumbling. There were definite signs of nature overtaking the city, but nothing too intense. There was some ivy every now and then. But so far, no infected.

You knew it was a matter of time, though. They’d show their ugly faces eventually.

The last thing you expected was for Joel to hit another car and set off its alarm. The noise loudly echoed off the crumbling walls. You jolted in your seat at the noise, immediately grabbing at the old revolver you kept on your hip. Tommy swore too, pulling out his choice of weapon just as Joel did. “Keep driving,” you hissed to Joel. He mumbled something about how the truck was a piece of shit as he veered to the side, going around the cars as quickly as he could.

But the alarm kept ringing. 

Cole shrank down in his seat and Max began to growl beside you. He turned on his paws, looking out the back window. Tommy looked too before his eyes widened. He reached over to Joel. “Drive faster. Drive faster, Joel. Drive.” He sounded panicked, terrified even.

Joel snapped back. “I’m driving as fast as I fucking can! Do you not see all the damn cars?”

“Well drive faster!” Tommy yelled.

And then you saw it… 

“Holy fuck,” Cole said. Max began to bark. You flicked your safety off. 

There was well over two dozen infected climbing over each other and cars, running towards you. And while they were far away, at the rate you were driving they’d be on you in minutes. 

“Joel,” you said.

“I know!” he hissed. “Let me think!” 

Cole was looking up now and you saw his face pale. You clenched your jaw, looking back. There were a few stragglers that were easily making pace. They’d be there soon. So you took a deep breath.

Rolling down the window, you stuck your torso out. The wind whipped your hair as Joel drove as fast he could. A glance towards the front of the car revealed an opening in the road soon. Then you could pick up speed.

You just had to buy time.

Cocking your revolver, you aimed at the runners. You took a deep breath to steady yourself as much as one could when leaning out of a moving truck. Squeezing the trigger, a bullet went off. It hit a car nearby. Joel yelled something rude at you. You contemplated turning the gun on him.

But upon a closer look, you’d hit the car in the gas port. Gas was leaking out of the car onto the road. If you could shoot it… 

“Hey guys,” you called.

“We’re a bit busy!” Tommy and Joel shouted back.

“I know but just… Hold your ears okay?”

“Wha-”

You flicked the chamber, pulled back the hammer and shot. Immediately, flames spread over the gasoline. You saw them disappear under the car, quickly getting back into the truck. You rolled up the window, waiting.

And then there was an explosion.

Joel swerved from shock, and you heard Max howl. Tommy was yelling at you and Cole was cheering. You simply just huffed out a sigh of relief. “We should be okay,” you said after a moment.

Everyone gave you a long look. You shrugged. On you went.

 

It takes 3 days to get through Monroe. It wouldn’t take so long if Joel hadn’t crashed your truck after Max jumped on him. In Max’s defense, he was saying some rather mean things and Cole ordered him to attack. Max was simply being loyal even if it cost you all the truck.

This lead to you five trekking through the alleys of Monroe, oftentimes riddled with infected. Cole and Max always stayed back, the dog fiercely protective of him. That left the killing to you, Tommy and Joel. The three of you made a nifty team. Simultaneously, you would all shiv the nearest infected and end the fight before it even began.

You three oftentimes made camp in old stores or apartment buildings. One night you woke up to loud mumbling. Confused and alarmed, you immediately grabbed your gun and went to shoot. But once you were up you realized the person mumbling was Joel. Huffing in annoyance, you went to hit him and tell him to shut the fuck up when you actually heard was saying.

“Hold on,” he muttered. You could only see his back, but he was shaking. “Hold on baby girl. Hold on.” He jerked with a gasp and you shrank back into your sleeping bag. You watched silently as he sat up, rubbing his face with his hands. He tapped at his watch, checking it before standing and walking away.

Shortly after, Tommy took his spot and passed out. You didn’t say anything to Joel when you took over for him later.

The next day you cut through an old amusement park. There’s a highway on the other side of it where you could hopefully find a working car. Surprisingly, there’s few infected littering the premises. You supposed the park had shut down a few hours before the outbreak hit. 

Cole looked around in fascination. You even amused him and broke into a gift shop, getting him a hoodie. You and Tommy grabbed some too, but when you offered one to Joel he brushed you off. There were deep bags under his eyes. You wondered if he’d gotten any sleep after his nightmare.

It took an hour or so to get to the other side of the park. Cole kept stopping to look at the rides, wondering if they still worked. When you tried to get a carousel to work, it didn’t turn on. Both you and your brother were disappointed at that. Tommy had a good laugh at your disappointed expression. Joel just looked...annoyed.

And then you got to the roller coaster not too far from the highway. There was a backway road blocked off by a door, of course locked. You were ready to climb over it when Tommy hit it off with a crowbar. The smug look of satisfaction on his face as the lock hit the ground made you chuckle.

It melted away at the distant sound of clicking. Both Tommy and Joel’s expressions melted into terror, and they reached up to press a finger on their lips. You frowned, going to ask what was wrong when Joel grabbed your face, covering your mouth.

“Don’t talk,” he mouthed. There was a soft whimper from Max and you looked back, the dog looking past the door with worried eyes. What was there? 

Slowly, Tommy pushed open the door. He had his gun out, aimed forward. You peeked around the corner, and what you saw horrified you. 

You’d seen runners. You’d see them newly infected and later infected. But these…. You’d never seen these. 

There were so many sprouts on their faces, almost ripping it in half. It grossly climbed over their heads. Only their mouths were revealed. That awful clicking noise came from them as they blindly walked around. 

To make matters worse, there were five of them. And based on the terror on everyone’s face, they were even deadlier than runners. Your heart stuttered. What did you do?

Thankfully, Joel and Tommy were on top of it. They signalled for you to crouch and so all of you did, including Max. They took lead, and you split up. You followed Joel while Cole and Max followed Tommy. They had their knives out and you figured it was smart of them to be quiet. It was obvious the infected operated on sound, especially when Max hit the side of a trash can.

The nearby infected immediately jerked to the sound, quickly walking over. Cole’s face twisted into panic and Max began to growl. The other infected began to rush his way and you reered up, grabbing the gun out of your holster. Immediately, you shot the closest infected in the head. At the noise all others screeched.

And chaos unfolded.

They all rushed at you and you spun on your heel, running as fast you could back the way you came. You could heard Joel and Tommy curse, Max growling. But you didn’t stop and you didn’t look back. 

If you had to die protecting Cole, so be it. You were ready to accept that. Sure it’d suck. It’d suck hard but… 

There was the sound of crunching behind you and you looked back. Both Tommy and Joel had their knives in the head of an infected. Three more were coming your way though, so you reloaded your gun. They seemed to catch your drift and sprinted towards two more. Right as you stopped and took aim at the closest clicker, they buried their weapons in their own. 

You fired. It dropped. Silence fell.

Other than the harsh sound of hitting. Letting out a breath of relief, you looked over to see Joel stabbing the infected. He just kept...stabbing it. Everyone paused out of shock at the sight, blood coating the man. He grunted as he just kept stabbing.

Tommy reached forward. “Joel,” he said. His brother didn’t stop. Instead, he stood up and began to kick at its face. You watched as the bones of the person left before crunched under his kicks. “ _ Joel _ .” he hissed. He kept kicking.

“Joel!” you yelled. He finally looked up and your stomach flipped at what you saw…

His face was coated red, an animalistic and wild look in his face. There was almost a snarl on his lips. You reached for Cole. Max came around your ankles, growling softly. 

That snapped Joel back to reality. Tommy gave his brother a horrified look, and Joel reached up to brushed some blood off his lips. “Let’s go,” he said. He turned his back and walked off.

Cole looked up to you. “What the fuck was that?” he asked.

You swallowed roughly. “I don’t know…”

You stayed further back from the man as you went onto the highway. When you found a car, he offered to drive. No one argued.

 

That night, Joel took first watch. And second watch. And half of third.

It took you telling him to sleep. You went to place a hand on his shoulder and he jerked, shooting you a panicked look. You raised your hands to display peace and he relaxed as much as he could. You gave a shaky smile. The sight of him bloody and mad still haunted you. 

But instead of going to sleep when you took over, he disappeared into the shadows. By the time the sun rose, he returned with dried blood on his face. No one said anything.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You travel and encounter others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! long time no see. sorry for the late update! life has been crazy with finals and studying and lots of college work.  
> but here's the next chapter! we get to see some pre-tlou joel : )
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING:  
> Implied attempted sexual assault (nothing too graphic.)  
> Violence. 
> 
> enjoy!

It took two days to reach Mississippi, but to get through you had to pass through Vicksburg. The Mississippi river cut the nation in half, so you needed to pass through a bridge. The problem was that plenty others had similar ideas and had failed, leaving their cars behind to obstruct the roads. This meant you had to leave your car behind and pray there was another one past the bridge.

Cole and Max kept close as Tommy and Joel scouted ahead. At first, you figured he wanted to be around you because you were his sister, but when Joel asked for some help pushing aside a car from Cole your brother harshly refused. Tommy had stepped up to help instead, but it made the whole process of crossing the bridge longer. When you asked Cole why he didn’t help Joel, he gave you a long look. “How long until he snaps and kills one of us?” he replied. “I could take too long pushing the car and he’d slit my throat. I’d prefer not dying.” You told him to relax, that Joel would never do something so awful. Cole didn’t seem too convinced and Joel didn’t ask for his help again.

Joel would never snap on a human. He only snapped at Infected, which made sense. 

Then some Hunters popped up on the bridge. You all were fools for not expecting them to be controlling the bridge. It was an excellent spot to steal from others. It took a good bullet to your arm to make you all aware of them. 

The bullet fucking hurt. The wound burned and singed as you screamed, clutching at your now bloody arm. Cole’s face paled as he looked to you, Max howling like mad. Tommy and Joel stopped too, immediately raising their guns as they fell behind some cars for cover. Cole grabbed you and pulled you down too, a gunshot ricocheting off the hood of a car you’d just been at. 

He kneeled in front of you, looking at the wound. He pried away your hand with a soft, “Shh. I need to see it.” The sight must have been gruesome because he visibly held back a gag. You didn’t dare look. 

There were shouts from both sides. Over the rush of blood in your ears, you could make out Joel yelling as Hunters yelled back. It sounded like they were demanding all of your shit. Max was low beside you, growling and licking you. But you could feel the world melting away as your pulse became loud in your ears.

The look on Cole’s face became deathly serious as he reached up to cup your face. “(Y/N)?” he asked, voice distant and faint. It sounded almost as though you were under water. He hit you a few times. “Hey, hey! Joel! Tommy! She’s going into shock!” he screamed. 

It was all distant. All you could really feel was the soft drip of blood on your skin and the beat of your heart. You were aware of gunshots. You were aware of Cole grabbing your gun and hastily pulling back the safety, sheer terror on his face.

And you were aware of the Hunter that rounded the car with a sick smirk, raising his gun to you. Cole was screaming, still scrambling with the gun. Max was darting out and you could see the gun aim to him. And you? Ha, you could do nothing. You couldn’t move. You couldn’t scream.

You could only watch.

There was a flash of movement to your left and the Hunter was pummelled to the ground. A figure pinned him down as he took the gun and threw it back. The gun skidded to a stop beside you, and you watched as the figure on top of the Hunter began to pound their fists down. You could faintly hear the sickening slap and crunch of fists on skin, breaking the bones underneath. Soon those hands became a bright red.

Cole was screaming. Max was growling. And Tommy ran up, pulling the figure off. It was Joel, you realized. The now bloody and breathless figure was Joel. He stumbled back, eyes wild and angry. First, his gaze was on Tommy before looking to you. Seeing the sweatiness and paleness of your face made something in him shift. No longer did he argue. No longer did he fight.

Instead, he shrugged Tommy off and stormed off. His brother muttered something before turning and seeing your wound. Concerned, he grabbed some cloth from your backpacks and wrapped it. You could barely feel the pain, the world still so distant.

Cole and Tommy helped you to your feet, staying close as the two of you began to make your way to the other side of the bridge. The world only came back in bright colors and harsh noises when you saw the Hunter Joel had attacked.

His head was bashed in. His brains spilled over the concrete.

Joel had snapped.

Joel had found a car, allowing you quick and easy access to a nearby gas station. There they’d bunkered down and Cole took a look at your gunshot. “The bullet didn’t exit,” he said after a moment of inspecting. 

“What does that mean?” you whispered, out of breath. It’d taken a good slap from Tommy to knock you out of shock. That and Joel’s biggest coat. The man was peering out the windows, rifle in arm. Tommy was digging around in the supplies they’d managed to grab from the Hunters.

Thankfully he found some Vicodin and bandages. That still couldn’t you prepare you for what was next. 

“I need to get it out,” Cole said. You shot him a glare, taking a deep breath.

“And how would you do that?”

Cole bit his lip. “By...fishing it out.” 

Painful and gory. With a deep breath, you reached for both Max and Tommy. The pup curled up beside you, licking your palm. “Get me the strongest shit we got,” you sighed. Tommy didn’t argue, handing you some whiskey. Knocking back a shot, you rolled up your sleeve higher. “Do it right and do it quick.”

Cole took a shot too, and before you could get mad at him, he began to work.

It wasn’t long before you were you sobbing. At the sound of your cries, Joel slipped out into the night. He didn’t return until sunrise, and when he did, he gave you a new blanket. You didn’t ask where he’d gotten it.

 

The crew kept you drugged up to reduce the pain, but that more or less meant you had to hang back in the car with someone guarding you. Typically, this responsibility fell to Cole. But one day you all found a pharmacy out in the middle of bum fuck nowhere. Desperately needing the meds, Cole and Tommy went in to stock up.

This left Joel to look over you.

Good old silent Joel. You didn’t mind how quiet he was. In fact, you appreciated it. Your head pounded as you lay in the back of the car, head against the cool windshield. December was hanging in the air, and thankfully the South didn’t have much snow. You wondered if the snow would eventually pile up and leave you stranded.

That would suck. You needed to get to Atlanta as soon as possible. There you could find shelter. 

You tugged the blanket around you tighter, sucking in a deep breath through your teeth. Joel noticed, arching a brow over his shoulder. “Is the blanket...er, warm?” he asked and you nodded. 

“Yeah,” you said shakily. You felt bitter coldness arch up your skin. You buried into the fleece deeper. “It’s just cold.” A shiver wracked your body and you trembled. “Fuck, is there heat?” you asked, opening your eyes to see Joel frowning at you.

“The heat is on,” he said. You noticed he was stripped down to his t-shirt. In contrast, you were wearing two sweatshirts, a flee-lined jacket, and three blankets. But you were  _ still  _ shaking. “You’re sweating,” he said. His frown deepened. “Let me see you wound.”

You leaned forward, letting him pull away all your layers. You didn’t even fight or wince when he yanked up your sleeve to reveal the wound. His face grew grave. “Fuck, it’s infected,” he hissed.

You swallowed roughly. “That’s not good is it?” you asked.

Joel shook his head. He didn’t meet your gaze. “No. It’s not.”

 

 

Cole took a look at your wound. There was a definite infection brewing, and when Cole searched the meds they’d found, there were only basic antibiotics. For it to be effective, you needed rest. 

But the roads wouldn’t stay “open” forever. Snow would come soon. And you needed to move. If you wanted to reach Atlanta there could be no rest stops. There could be no time for recovery. So they set up the backseat the best they could for you, and both your pillow and Cole’s shoulder became your new bed.

Even if Joel was a bit of a prick, he was excellent at taking care of people. When the crew stopped at a spot for the night, he cooked you up whatever soup and high nutrients food they had. When you kicked off your blankets from sweating only to need them from shivering, he’d pull the layers back on top. When you got too hot, he made you cool. When you got cool, he made you warm.

Cole tried to help too, but whatever Joel was brewed from was better. Compared to his stoic image and occasional savagery on the field, he was a big bear over you. His care definitely made being sick better. 

But nothing could prepare you for the attack.

Joel and Tommy went off to scavenge, leaving you and Cole behind at a gas station you’d holed up in. You both were in the storage closet, locked in tight. But you’d both fallen asleep - you from being sick and Cole being exhausted from watch that night. When you woke up, there was a machete to your throat and beer stinging your nose. 

“You’re a pretty little thing aren’t cha?” they chuckled. You winced as he squeezed your waist, trailing their fingers along your body. Forcing away the cloud of illness in your head, you looked around for Cole. He was nowhere to be seen. “Ah, worried about your boy? Don’t worry. Margaret is taking good care of him. Been quite some time since we found good meat like you two! All plump and round.” His machete lowered to trace your chest, your arms and then your legs. 

The tip delicately traced your pelvis. You clenched your jaw, not moving. “What do you want?” you asked. Somehow your voice wasn’t shaking.

“A good time,” he hummed. The blade returned to your stomach. It poked at the little fat that still remained. The apocalypse definitely shaved off a few pounds. “Why don’t you start to strip and we can have a good time?” 

Adrenaline was good at pushing limits. It made pain fade away. It made fear melt. And it made sickness disappear. As you shrugged off you multiple jackets and went to unbutton your pants, your hands closed around the pocket knife you kept in your waistband. 

You weren’t religious, but you prayed to whatever God still remained as you spun on your heel, digging your knife into his throat.

The man was ugly. But you didn’t focus on his face or the way it puckered up as he grasped at his throat. Red, velvet blood spilled over his fingers as he gagged, dropping to his knees. You stumbled back with a huff, managing to throw a middle finger before he dropped on his back.

His eyes went glossy. He was dead.

These were the ones you didn’t feel remorse for killing.

As you yanked your knife out of the man’s throat, you opened the room’s door and peered out. There was deep, gross chuckling and you heard Cole whimpering. You heard his soft pleas and acted without thinking.

You sprinted forward, knife in hand as you rounded a shelf of picked over goods. There was a woman slowly cutting into Cole’s arm, blood dripping down his skin. His shirt was shredded and blood stained it. Fury ignited in your heart at the sight of your injured brother. 

With a scream, you sliced down at the hand stretched upon your brother. A sickening crunch came from it as the blade went clean through her arm. The woman’s face paled as her jaw dropped, eyes wide at the sight of her now bloody stump. Blood spurted out and across Cole, who watched in shock.

Baring your teeth, you grabbed the collar of the woman’s shirt. You yanked her toward you, making her look deep into your eyes. “Don’t you ever touch my family,” you hissed. There was shaking fear in her eyes as you languidly dragged your knife across her throat. You felt her hot blood soak your hand as you held her, savoring the way her eyes rolled back and her body went limp.

Once she was dead, you dropped her.

You and Cole stripped after that, back to back a few feet apart for privacy. You took off your ruined and bloody clothing before changing into some others, free of red and pain. You took the cross necklace the woman wore, slipping it into a pocket. You’d take something of theirs just like they’d taken something of yours.

After that, you threw the bodies and old clothing into a pile and set them aflame.

You and Cole fell asleep in front of the fire. His hand was tight in yours.

 

Tommy and Joel were horrified when they came back to blood and burnt bodies. But one look at you and Cole was all they needed. They loaded both of you up into the car and drove off. The area was definitely unsafe. No doubt these fuckers had other sick friends who wouldn’t take kindly to you killing and burning them.

They drove for hours until you were easily over a hundred miles away before stopping at a Goodwill. They left the two of you in the car as they secured the area, leaving Max to watch over both of you. The pup lay curled against you two, feeling your sadness and anger. He licked away Cole’s tears and pressed kisses to your cheek. He grieved for whatever innocence the two of two of you had before being assaulted. You all grieved together.

Joel and Tommy came back not long after, covered in a bit of blood but not much. Apparently, the place was good to go and they helped you two in. Joel was careful with how and where he touched you, hesitant and worried. It was a new look for him and one you didn’t like.

But you didn’t complain. All you wanted was to sleep.

So you found an old mattress that had been donated, curling up on yourself underneath some blankets Cole had brought over. You hugged him, and he hugged you back. The two of you cried until you both fell asleep against each other. Joel and Tommy didn’t wake you for watch that night. 

 

You were still sick and the attack only worsened your condition. Based on the concerned looks Cole gave your wound and that you ran out of rubbing alcohol to clean it, you were going to stay that way for a few more days. If it didn’t get worse and kill you, that was.

Cole tried to stay strong. He tried to take care of you to the best of his abilities but it was no secret he was depressed. Before the two of you were attacked, he smiled bright and made dumb jokes. But after? In the car as you traveled? Soon it was Tommy who was cracking the jokes. And they weren’t nearly as funny.

“So a horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks him-”

“Why the long face?” Joel asked and his brother shot him a glare, jokingly hitting him. Joel purposefully swerved the car with a smirk. He clearly savored the panicked look Tommy worse in response.

“Stop! I’m trying to make it less tense,” Tommy hissed. 

You rolled your eyes, leaning your hot head against the cold window. The world was gray outside, the farms you passed dead and old. Winter was upon the land. Who knew what the weather would be like now that the world had fallen, no longer producing carbon emissions? Was anyone even alive to produce them? The cars you stole produced some but compared to what life was like only a few months ago… “If this infection doesn’t kill me first, then your driving will Joel,” you joked and Cole snorted. The sound made you smile.

Tommy deepened his glare at Joel. “See? Now you made it tense,” he sighed as he sank into his seat. Joel smiled before looking back towards you, the look on his face falling at the sight. 

“How you feeling?” he awkwardly asked. You shrugged, looking back outside.

“Fine. How much further till Atlanta?” you asked.

“Well, we just crossed into Alabama an hour ago. We probably got...250 miles or so to go,” Tommy replied.  He tilted the paper map they’d found a while back, examining it silently. “So, without issues, we probably got a week or so in car and dealing with infected,” he said.

You snorted. “Without issues,” you sighed. There were always issues. Have it be infected, having to find gas or another car, raiders or your sickness. Fuck, maybe all of it combined. “Murphey’s law,” you hummed. 

Cole nodded. “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”

Neither of you meant anything good. Joel and Tommy caught on. No one said anything.

You and Cole were right. Something  _ did  _ happen. When travelling through an apparent shortcut in Birmingham, you hit another car. Its alarm began to echo off the empty, ruined streets of the city. Tommy tried to get around the car but the infected were already in front of you and then behind you. They began to hit at the car and there was nothing you could do.

Within minutes, they’d break the glass. Some were climbing up onto the top, beating at the roof. Max was growling, crouched over you both protectively. Joel was swearing, Tommy was yelling and you took a deep breath, reaching into your backpack for your gun. There were nowhere near enough bullets for the horde, but there were enough to buy time for the others to run.

“Unlock the doors,” you commanded. Everyone looked to you, eyes wide. You shot them all hard looks. “Run. I can hold them off for a minute.”

Cole hissed, situating you with a hot glare. “Are you fucking crazy? I’m not leaving you behind,” he snapped.

Tommy was shaking his head, and Joel’s face was grim and pale. “We don’t do that,” Tommy said. 

“Well, this world ain’t fair, Tommy. Get the fuck out and protect Cole.” 

“You can run with us!” Cole said, almost begging. His eyes were wet. His fingers were tight on your wrist. You could feel your heart shudder and break. 

“I’m too sick, baby. But you’re okay. You can get out. You can get to Atlanta,” you whispered, rubbing at his palm. You watched the tears drip down his face as Tommy began to curse. The back window began to splinter. You flicked your safety off, taking a deep breath. “Go. Now,” you said.

“No!” Cole and Tommy yelled. Joel just looked down. His jaw was clenched. “We won’t go.”

“(Y/N)...” Joel whispered. There was a pain in his eyes you’d only seen on the nights he came back bloody and bruised. It made you look away, chest burning.

“Too fucking bad,” you hissed. “I won’t let you all die. Not like mom and dad.” You unlocked your door, going to open it and prepare to run to distract the infected. But when your hand wrapped around the handle Max lunged. His teeth were firm enough to yank you back, but not hard enough to break skin. He wouldn’t let you go. You swore as the car descended into yelling and barking and begging and tears and screaming and-

A flare trailed up into the sky, a loud whizz coming from it as it popped. The noise was loud enough to make all infected look up, pausing in their efforts to get in. The alarm finally stopped and you were all left in relative silence. “What…?” Tommy whispered, leaning forward to look. 

And then gunshots rang out. Infected began to drop and you did too. You held Cole and Max tight, cursing as you grabbed at all your stuff in the car. If those were raiders you had to run. You had to get out. You felt a hand come from the front and you glanced up to see Joel putting his body in front of you both, eyes squeezed shut. 

He was putting himself in the line of fire to protect you. He did it with such resolve it took your breath away. You simply watched him as the hail of gunfire came down, wondering if this would be your final time with him, with all of your group alive.

Then the fire stopped, and Joel opened his eyes.

They were scared and broke as he held your gaze, so much more different than they usually were. He was so firm and cold but you saw warmth as he realized he hadn’t been killed protecting you. There was relief, there was care… And it was dangerous.

What was dangerous was that you cared too.

Why else would you have sacrificed yourself for them?

“What the fuck was that?” Tommy yelled, and Joel finally looked back. Tommy slowly rose up from where he’d hidden under the steering wheel, thankfully unharmed. Cole, Max, and Joel all seemed okay too and let out a breath of relief. But that left the big question: who fired those shots?

“Tommy, move,” Joel commanded. 

Tommy tried to put the car in drive, but it stalled. He cursed as he hit the dash. “Fuck, a tire was popped.” 

Grabbing all your stuff, you checked the side of the car. Dead Infected lined the area around the car and thankfully, none were alive. You huffed. “Get out. We need to run,” you said and no one argued. No one wanted to encounter Hunters, especially not you and Cole. Not after last time.

So you grabbed the packs nearby, gathering as much as you could. Within seconds you all were ready to move. You propped the doors open and ducked behind the back of the car in case of more shots being fired, but surprisingly there were one. Where were the Hunters? 

Something pressed against your back...something cold and hard. You stopped breath catching. “Don’t move,” a cold voice said behind you. They were hushed and you realized that the Tommy, Joel, and Cole hadn’t been captured like you. They could still get away.

And you could be shot for yelling. 

You were sick anyway. So fuck it.

“Run!” you screamed. You briefly saw the whites of their eyes before something hit you from behind. White stars flickered in your vision as you dropped, copper in your senses as you landed on the body of an Infected. You could hear yelling as you groaned, trying to push up. But a boot pressed on your back, forcing you into the bloody corpse. You held your breath.

“Dammit,” a voice hissed. You reared your head back to see a woman looking down. Her face was scarred and angry. 

You grinned. She kicked. And then there was nothing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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**Author's Note:**

> LIKE WHAT YOU READ?
> 
> Leave a comment!  
> I love to hear your guy's thoughts! Feedback is also greatly appreciated !
> 
> Leave kudos!  
> Kudos help get this story noticed!
> 
> And most importantly...  
> Have a great day/night! :)


End file.
